89 year old Japanese Woman

Every so often my face gets hot, so hot that I can feel my face turning hyper color into a giant tomato. It’s a dead give away if I am embarrassed, or if I have a crush on anybody. My dad says it’s cute. I think it’s a fucking curse. But sometimes it gets the best of me, and turns out being pretty funny. Now, I talk to a lot of people day in, and day out. I got that from my mom. We literally talk to anybody we think could be remotely interesting. Variety is the spice of life! So I am having a conversation with an 89 year old Japanese woman, and boy did she get the best of me. Yet I am still single while there are homeless people who smell like hot garbage that have girlfriends and boyfriends. Even Charles Manson has women lined up at his cell door. My friend Anna says I am too picky. Okay fine. Anyhow, yet again, I digress. Here the story goes…

89 year old- Are you married?

Me- No ma’am.

89 year old- Ohhhhhhhhhh

Me- (laughing a little at her reaction)

89 year old- But you so pretty. I don’t get it. So sexxxxxy.

Me- You’re killing me! (laughing, I bury my head into my red hair trying to camouflage the red hot face) Thank you for the compliment. Your flattery is too much!

89 year old- (still perplexed) I have a son, but you are too pretty for him. Oh so pretty! So sexy! I don’t get it?

Me-  I don’t get it either.

Enters son… the 89 year old Japanese woman stops and changes the subject quickly.

 

-K.K. Powell

Mind…Blown….

Five year olds are funny in a sense that they just say whatever is on their minds. Aquarians are kind of funny too in the sense that they do the same. Not saying Aquarians are like five year olds…or are they. They typically march to the beat of their own drums… and so do five year olds.

Okay, okay enough. Now for the funny story of the day.

 

Five year old- Does your dog poop?

Me- Well yea, I mean if you think about it a lot of things poop…right?

Five year old stops for a minute thinking

Five year old- Yeaaaaaaaa

(Pretty sure I just witnessed her mind exploding all the possibilities of all the things in the world that actually poop!)

Me- Have a good one!

Five year old hollering as we walk away- Bye!! Have a nice day!!

It takes a village to raise em right.

-K.K. Powell

Wild kingdom of Oakland, California

Wild rat scurrying from one bush to the next. My dog salavates, wiggling herself out of her collar moving so fast that she turns to a flash of white lightning. I scream, “oh my god! No! No! No!!!” with an incomprehensible gibberish…the dog is not distracted. Her one thought, “Does it squeak?” Her head buried into the bushes searching frantically. Right, left, left, right. “It’s gotta be close!”… but her luck has flashed right before her compulsive little brown eyes.  Wild cat sized rat is just fast enough, and safe. I laugh so hard at my great American wig out aka scream of fear of plague/rats safety, that I double over in laughter and let out a pigs snort. Attractive man behind me chuckles. Ah shit, save face! My face flushes hot turning red. “You should’ve seen the size of that rat?! It was the size of a fucking cat!” He tells me he would’ve been alarmed too laughing along with me. We part, going our separate ways. I utter to myself, “I’m a total mess.”  Large rats jumping out of bushes are a scary thought. Perhaps less scary if my wild imagination wouldn’t fling me down the rabbit hole occasionally. 

In the night before two cats scream, scratch, hiss, and attempt to end each other’s will to live. It was the talk of the neighbors as I arrive home with the cat sized rat chaser. The dog with pride jumps, and licks snorting away happily at the familiar faces. “Did you hear all that racket last night?”… the owner of my apartments eyes light up. I nod in agreement and state how bad it all sounded. “It was raccoons mating!!! I turned the light on them, and they stopped. Then five hours later they were still there. I wondered if they got stuck?!” Laughter flows, “You’ve got to be kidding me?” His eyebrows raised in amazement goes on to tell me that it’s the god foresaken truth.  Good thing I told the dog to stay close to me that night while she ventured into the dark night to relieve herself. If she tried to get into that action, my heart would’ve likely stopped. 

-K.K. Powell

You’re not helping.

Man on gurney: Just so you know, I am really afraid of needles. I just can’t take it.

Wife of man on gurney: Yea, he gets very tense around needles.

Nurse: Okay, the power of distraction usually works well. My tip for you is to just relax. When you tense up, it actually makes it much more difficult to get the IV in.

Man on gurney: Okay (sitting stiff as a board).

Nurse: Shakes his arm lightly telling him to shake out all the tension. Just go ahead and look at your wife. Talk to her about something else.

On the count of three…one, two, three…

(advances needle to poke)

Man tenses up…

Man on gurney: Oh man, I don’t think I can take it. Oh man…this is bad. I can’t do this.

Wife of man on gurney: OH GAWD, that IS really bad!!! Wow… I am really sorry. That IS bad. WOW, that must REALLY hurt…

Man on gurney tenses up again, jerks arm, nurse misses vein.

Nurse looks across to wife…

Nurse: You’re not helping….

So, how about those Golden State Warriors?

Man on gurney: Oh yea they are great! Ouch!

Nurse advances needle along with catheter, pulls needle back quickly.

Nurse: IV is all set! Nice doing business with you sir.

The power of distraction…