On Christmas Eve I treated myself to getting my nails done. I have been working hard lately, and taking on extra shifts. The ER can be stressful, but it’s what I choose to do for work. So until Colorado and Paris, only one day off at a time.
I asked the ladies in the nail shop out of curiosity how much time they get per week. She smiled, and replied with one day off per week. She looked tired, but her reality she seemed to be okay with. She was still smiling, and joking around at times! On Christmas Day, I asked the man from Yemen who owned the corner store (where I was buying wine from) how many days he gets off per week. He replied with none. No days off. One year on, one year off… sometimes. He went on to explain how Yemen is at war now. There are no hospitals, and no schools. This makes it so he cannot go home. It’s too dangerous. So for now, he works everyday.
If you are wondering how my Christmas was I will tell you. I will tell you that I was reminded that most of us in America have things very well. Most of us get two or more days off per week. We have schools. We have hospitals. Yes, our current president is an awful man… but he cannot he in office forever. Working hard to reach your goals pays off. Sometimes it is hard, but just remember that there is always someone who has things worse off than you… and sometimes that person is still smiling.
If you happen to live in the northern hemisphere then you are likely starting to notice the seasons. The days are getting shorter, and Samhain has come and gone. It reminds us all of what we have achieved this year, or did not for one reason or another. It reminds us of what we need to shed in order to let new things grow so we can move on. If you just look up you can see it all around you. The leaves change color, and fall to the ground. The weather turns cool, and the hours of light dwindle away.
Sometime it is easy to get down on your self when you need more rest, and you are not as active as you have been. In America we are so used to the idea of “time is money”, and we must be always doing something, or going somewhere. We get so worried about how people see us, and how we must portray ourselves. We push, push, and push until we turn into rattlesnakes striking the minute we are poked.
Now is the time to just be. Get comfortable in silence, and spending time with the self alone. If it is uncomfortable, try it out for small amounts at a time, and slowly increase the time. Bears hibernate for a reason in a certain season! So as the days get shorter, allow yourself to rest. Allow yourself to go within. Take time to figure out new goals now, and let go of the shit you do not need. If you do not take away those old leaves it’s going to be a whole lot harder for those flowers to emerge come Spring. Don’t wait for January 1st. Right now is actually the perfect time.
A day late and a few more dollars short after martinis on a Friday night, and laughs with friends. A mantra a day late. This is actually perfect. Because yesterday I met my intentions set early in the morning of doing what makes me happy. Doing exactly what I want to do. Apparently not writing yesterday, and living life was just that.
I was recently reading an article about this woman. It went on about the things she wished she told her daughter earlier in life. Never apologize if someone bumps into you. Don’t be sorry for just existing in that space. Never apologize if you are not sorry. Don’t wear the dress if you won’t want to. If you want pizza, a whole mango, or a pint of ice cream for dinner, then do it. If you hate your job, get a new one. If you hate your life, get a new one! Find things that make you happy.
We get so wrapped up in what we “should do”, that we just do it. Then guess what happens? We end up not being totally happy. Yes I did eat a personal pizza for dinner this week…twice. Now my skirt is a little tight today from overindulging… but god damn it! It was so good. Both times! That is life. Trial and error rarely kills people. Rarely! If it does, I guess it was worth it for the hell of a ride that it could have been? I think/hope you get the picture!
So today’s mantra
Do what you want to do. -K.K. Powell
“Do anything you wanna do.” -Eddie + the Hot Rods
I have started practicing yoga again, which is like turning on the faucet of daily thoughts. This past week I have seen individuals try so hard that they almost kill themselves physically and/or mentally. A friend and I talked about how sometimes you just do your best. I remember trying my best at times where I would make it the easy way out and just shirk it off as, “I did my best.” Then I got older, and realized that wasn’t necessarily the most reliable way of doing things! We all have our good days and our bad days. Some times on a shitty day your best is the easy way out because you just don’t have it in you. BUT, the next day is new, and you can always try to do a little better than you did before. Because a life without challenge is no life at all.
That being said… today’s mantra is-
Always do your best…
but try not to choose the easy way out.
Today I saw a double swallow tail butterfly come out of her chrysalis. Her wings were drying as she clung to the blades of grass with wings of black, cerulean blue, gold, and fiery orange hues, with dark lavender eyes. I had been waiting for her to emerge for the longest two weeks ever…at least it felt like it. I pet her as a green and golden caterpillar. I watched the cocoon form, bend, and grow horns. Then today I watched her emerge. A friend said it was messy. Another friend said it was crazy how the cells separate, and reform into this different being.
I think this is a good reminder for us all that sometimes you have to let things die in order to grow those wings and fly. Sometimes things are beautiful and great as is, but when one lets go of outmoded ways they can emerge into something way more beautiful than they had imagined. More importantly you are not stuck to that fennel anymore, because now you can fly!
-K. K. Powell
Yesterday I was sitting on my porch, and the sun was low in the sky. I noticed a honey bee flying low, and he slowly landed right into a spider’s web. Two spiders rushed in for the attack. I felt so bad for him watching him struggle, that I reached for a piece of bamboo to fish him out. The larger spider would not give up the fight. The honey bee caught in his web still was spinning round and round. I could hear him buzzing and buzzing in distress. I took my water, and doused both. They fell through the cracks of the deck into a deep dark dungeon to both likely meet their deaths. I felt really bad. Initially I was scared, and tried to help. Maybe sometimes you just have to let nature take its course?
Then today the same scenario hits again…but goes a little further. Serendipity, and/or a reason to sit here and ponder the meaning of life!?
Today I was listening to the Sword and Scale Podcast number 90. The Spider and the Fly. Here is the poem below…
The Spider and The Fly: A Fable
by Mary Howitt
“Will you walk into my parlor?” said the spider to the fly;
Which makes me wonder… did the fly or honey bee want to meet his untimely death. Did he want something the spider could give him? Was it the same for the honey bee?Was he like…screw this queen. I am OVER IT! I just really fuck up his whole idea??? Granted in the podcast they are speaking of a journalist (Claudia Rowe) searching her own soul via serial interviews with a serial killer (Kendall Francois) …BUT she and he are representative of the spider and the fly as she says. They both had something to offer each other. The murderer got his company, and the journalist got her story. She actually could see where one can get really fucked up, and see how murdering or hurting people is thought to be “okay”. I met a man who counseled Charles Manson. He said that if Manson hadn’t had been a product of the juvenile detention system from a young age, and been surrounded by the perfect storm in the desert shortly thereafter that he likely wouldn’t have formed a mass murdering cult. Could be true? Mental illness could also play a large factor. Well it does in fact. But religion and occultism also played a part in this. Whole other can of worms. I digress.
Point is… maybe between yesterdays event, and the podcast today I learned something new.
Learning when to meddle can be a fine line. Sometimes you can makes things a lot worse, and sometimes you can come out golden with a full belly, rich with happiness. But when you think you are saving someone, are you really saving them?
That is the question…